Decaf

I slept the first three days of the new year.


Make no mistake. This is a good thing. I gave up coffee on January first too, after 13 years, so you know--par for the course. And really, anyone who didn't take three days to sleep off what will become known in history as "the year that shouldn't have been invented" will soon be seen in an anonymous meeting somewhere working out their brain disfunction. Hand to God.


Upon waking, I took a look around. I really should clean up. Wash the sheets, vaccuum, pay some bills, start working. What the eff is this green thing in the fridge? Whatever. I'm gonna go for a run and then count the days till my first paycheck of the year. Going full force decaf, with a side of sugar-free. Then I'm gonna notice.

I'm gonna notice that George Bush is leaving. That we somehow just figured out a way to make history. That even though there is a recession, I've never felt so equal to every other mother fucker in America. That the relationship I last got rid of needed to be gotten rid of. And some I need to salvage, are in fact salvageable. (Is that a word?)

I'm gonna notice too, my mountainous shortcommings. I went to an audition yesterday and the very nice man was like, "Tell me your life story in one minute!"
I chuckled and then made the following statement:
"I was born on a small farm. I'm funny and my hair never keeps a curl..actually I need a haircut." There was laughter. But, stupidly, I went on. Laughter is my cryptonite.
"I've been dancing my whole life but I just started acting."

Damn it. Why? I've been acting for, well, since I noticed my acting skills got my mom to do my homework when I was like 6.

Then we all looked at each other as if to say, that was odd. Which it was.
Alright, so perhaps in order to get my career on track I should stop out right LYING.

I'm institutionally corrupt. I live on the corner of balanced and besotted. Adjacent to hysteria.

Wish you were here.