Sunday, March 20, 2011


Stared you right in the eye.
Well, maybe a little off-center, more to the left.
But the wind was coming, I could feel it. It was hot and breathy as I had remembered. And suddenly, without warning--I guess that's the meaning of suddenly--, I got what I wanted and not what I needed.
That wind turned out to be the worst, most humiliating, nothing salvageable, saddest blow to date.
There was no one to be seen after that, almost no one. Sat down, not knowing what hit. Sank my head down and sobbed. Uncontrollably. And the little one, who was almost no one, looked to me for comfort because no one one else knew she, or he, existed. We sat there together, for almost 40 hours. Alone.
I'm so, so sorry baby.

Walking there, getting there, runnng away, staying, knowing and ignoring, loving, hating, wishing, weeping.