Friday, November 11, 2011

Making History

Yes, today is one in a hundred years. 11-11-11. Eleveneleveneleven. I set out to make history. Wanted to commemorate by doing one thing I was afraid of. Wanted to go see a psychic. Bought a paper, bought 11 lotto tickets, wished on 11:11 a.m and p.m.

But right now I'm going to go tell someone I love them. I'm going to have hope. I'm going to love this moment. There are people who love me, who would fight for me, who make me dinner and buy me breakfast and laugh at my jokes and show up for my birthday. Eleven is the same backwards as it is forwards, so maybe history is moving forward and will come back to me one day.

Happy everything to everyone. May you inherit the sum of money you need. May you never stop wishing and hoping, may you conquer your fears, and may you pull backwards and move forwards.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

The first step into a steaming bath

The first page of an amazing book

The first sip of velvety rich coffee of the day

The first bite of a lovingly prepared meal

The first scene of a show you've been waiting for all week

The first time you get to ignore the alarm clock in the morning

The first gift you get to open

The first score in the game of the team you love

The first bite of macaroni and cheese before it curdles and gets rubbery

The first in line before everyone comes in right after you

The first song at a concert with the artist that you love

The first day of a week long vacation

The first person who thankfully breaks the silence

The first time you realize you never thought about it that way

The first bite of the best ice cream you've ever tasted

The first day of a brand new pedicure

The first beer on Superbowl Sunday

The first time you see your favorite movie

The first crossword puzzle of the week

The first round of Jeopardy

The first sight of the new magazine you just received in the mail

The first time you make an entire audience laugh


Sunday, March 20, 2011


Stared you right in the eye.
Well, maybe a little off-center, more to the left.
But the wind was coming, I could feel it. It was hot and breathy as I had remembered. And suddenly, without warning--I guess that's the meaning of suddenly--, I got what I wanted and not what I needed.
That wind turned out to be the worst, most humiliating, nothing salvageable, saddest blow to date.
There was no one to be seen after that, almost no one. Sat down, not knowing what hit. Sank my head down and sobbed. Uncontrollably. And the little one, who was almost no one, looked to me for comfort because no one one else knew she, or he, existed. We sat there together, for almost 40 hours. Alone.
I'm so, so sorry baby.

Walking there, getting there, runnng away, staying, knowing and ignoring, loving, hating, wishing, weeping.